I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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