Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
