Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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