I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
