He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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