I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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