He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you traded sex for a burrito?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize