butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
