I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No stitches, just platelets and will power
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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