im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
