But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
should my penis look like a turkey
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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