i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
