Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
