So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
