You made me cry and you don't even care
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
