I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
