omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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