Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
