Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
