so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
