I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
