My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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