I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
