The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
