we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
