you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
