look no pants
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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