I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
