Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
