She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
