i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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