Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
