I'm lost and stupid without you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
