i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
one might say we're banned from that church
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
