her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
