i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
