The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
