distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
