I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
