the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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