i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
