you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
