I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
