Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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