All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Randomize
