I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize