I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
