i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
