flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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