It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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