You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
