she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
