I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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