god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
