its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
