It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
