ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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