if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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