hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
