He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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