wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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