barbara walters just said penis...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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