I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
