Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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