i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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