I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
