Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
