Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
