real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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