Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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