I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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