Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
