Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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