Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
