I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
