You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
