The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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