just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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