At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
